The OLCC Chronicles 2000
From Mickey & Minnie Mouse - publishers of Arthurian literature
Sunday 30
April
OLCC v Woodhouse Eaves
And so, dear reader, to another season in our glorious history. We begin our
narrative deep in Shackel country. Three weeks of rain ended abruptly yesterday
and the excellent groundsman has prepared a pitch of sufficient stability
for us to commence the season, thoughtfully leaving enough standing water
in the outfield for Judith to indulge his mud fetish.
Lots of jovial banter as we convene for the 24th season of OLCC cricket. The
president brings greetings from Mr Steene, and a message about something or
other which they thought your scribe would not be pleased to hear. "Mickey
won't like that," they both agreed. "So you told him about it,"
said Judith. Nice one.
Our congenial party includes the Home Secretary, Warney (a.k.a. Nick Torry)
and various others summoned by the tour manager (Phil Samuels) on the theme
of "the glorious twelfth" since this is our 12th tour to these environs.
Can it really be that long?
A shock ensues: We are to play an overs match. This is Joker Allan's 35th
birthday and he is accorded the honour of opening the batting with your
scribe to start OLCC in the new century. All goes well and Charles is striking
boldly until he misses a straight (ish) full toss and is lbw.
Which releases a rampant Gillmor, who launches an aerial onslaught on the
Woodhouse bowlers and races to a spectacular 50. Your scribe meanwhile has
also passed the half ton and OLCC prosper in the sunshine. Contributions
from the president, Judith and Bassy takes us to 193 after the statutory 40
overs.
The president spots the chance of a victory here, and is quite pleased to
be cast in the captaincy role. Phil bowls like Bertie Bassett but Richard
finds a tidy length and we claim some early wickets thanks to a couple of
Straw catches, but
encounter some resistance lower down. Despite ingenious bowling changes we
are unable to dislodge John, who makes a steady 50, and we finish winners,
but without the complete satisfaction of bowling them out.
Best moments of the field episode include Judith sliding into the bog at long
on - "just to please the crowd" and Tom's vain scrambled into the
bushes at extra cover.
Offences and misdemeanours
Nick: producing a real trimmer (ball of the day) to dismiss a 12 year-old
Tom: Making batting look too easy
Judith: crowd pleasing
The president: spotting the chance of a "w" in the captaincy statistics
Richard: retiring to the boundary after 20 overs of their innings
Phil: imperilling the success of the tour by risking injury while having his
bat knocked in by Joker Allan's children
Shrewd observers of the local scene also spotted the emergence of the Woodhouse
woodman from the bushes beyond the distant boundary, clutching a pile of sticks.
Bearing a remarkable resemblance to the one-time OLCC paceman J. Shackel,
he proceeded to undertake a construction programme resembling a medieval stockade
beneath the trees at the path end. "It's like Bob the Builder" says
Joker Allan. "Bob the builder.. can he fix it? Yes he can!"
Monday May 1
OLCC v Elvaston
This appears to have been a distinctly unmemorable occasion, since your scribe
is struggling to recall any incidents of merit.
We fielded, I seem to remember, on a blissful afternoon, and made early inroads
thanks to Shack, Jon Shingles and the
Good Doctor. The hero of yesterday (Richard) had gone in the shoulder and
retired to the scorebox, leaving the N-P representation to the Giraffe, who
was our leader today.
We thought 174 for 9 wasn't out of reach - but it wasn't long before it was
well distant as three fell for 18. The Giraffe and the doctor rallied us to
54 but when both fell at the same score we subsided gently to 99 all out.
Talk in the bar afterwards was about Brewerıs Cup selection.... hope springs
eternal.
Sunday 11 June
OLCC v Jordans
A fragmentary report survives of this game in which OLCC recorded a total
of 185 (Gillmor 49 and debutant John Crosfield 48) and the nine men of Jordans
mustered 126 (Torry 5 for 18, Bassy 3 for 37).
Nick Torry receives special mention for
a) turning up semi-drunk
b) fielding like a dog and dropping an easy catch
c) taking five wickets to win the match
Neil Dey joined us, and got unusually (or is it usually) excited about where
his fielders should be, and then dropped it half way down so it didn't
matter anyway.
Acland Hood was reprimanded for opening the bowling and John Crosfield for
going for a slog on 48 to avoid a 50 on debut. He was also surprised to be
asked for a match fee (another OL with a deficient education).
Celebrity guest was Robert Stein who recorded a consecutive duck (the last
one having been at Moreton in 1999) and did nothing else, except try to convince
Judith that there were reasons why he should not have been banned from driving.
There was a collective misdemeanour: nearly losing to nine men.
back to the top
Sunday 25 June
OLCC v President's XI
The billing for this game explained its jovial rules. They included:
"The game is to be played seriously, with a view to a win, but to be
played in festival fashion"
"The umpires will bear in mind that the hours of play may be altered/extended
during the day"
"If any batsman is fortunate enough to reach a century, he is encouraged
to retire"
"The intention is to have a close game and not a dull draw. An exciting
draw would be fine."
"Hopefully one team will win, but it does not matter which"
"In the spirit of OLCC cricket, joviality will prevail"
Tom took these instructions literally and was out in the first over. Shack
arrived later (quel surprise) but in time to swallow two superb slip catches.
The Giraffe played on to T Thomas and within half an hour the OLs were 25
for 5.
But the young squire, Acland Hood had held firm through all this mayhem and
in company with Nick Torry they resisted until the prandial interval and we
dined with the OLCC at 80 for 5.
Lunch is usually debilitating for a president's XI and Nick and John took
a liking to the assorted purveyors afterwards
and hammered it into the trees. The score raced past 150 before Ryan Sidebottom
got in on the act and fizzed one past
Nick's swing. T Thomas then claimed two wickets in two balls (again) and the
innings concluded on 239 for 9 dec.
The presidential innings began circumspectly with your scribe and Ian Crossley
making 40 for 0 by tea. Ian began to forge ahead after the interval but
your scribeıs attempt to follow suit was a dismal failure (caught extra cover)
and the next five failed to profit by the example and all holed out to catches,
mostly off Richard, well taken by OLCC fielders including a very good one
by the Giraffe at long on.
Richard finished with six for 49, Jack Straw claimed two wickets (including
Joker Julian bowled round his legs) and the presidentıs XI crumbled
to defeat by a distance.
highlights of the encounter included
Shack winning the Channel 4 fielding award
Judith's distraught behaviour when catches were dropped off his bowling
T Thomas taking four wickets without making a fuss
Misdemeanours included the president trying to re-negotiate terms after tea.
(The club secretary told him to go away) and a splendid piece of inept fielding
on the mid wicket boundary by your scribe and Karl Marx which could best be
described as "village."
The quote of the day came from Joker Julian Fitter, still trying to come to
terms with his dismissal. "Jack Straw is turning it" he gasped.
back to the top
Friday
June 30
OLCC v The School
OLCC 159 for 6 (Nick Head 61, Wacko Jacko 21*)
LPS 100. Matthew Bloxham (who he?) 4 for 11. No record of this match extant.
back to the top
Sunday July 2
OLCC v Sutton Valence (Brewers Cup)
So near, but yet so far. Having bowled and fielded exceptionally well to dismiss
the Kentishmen for 181 (Shack two for 20, including Scotty, off 11 overs,
Giraffe 3 for 45 and Geoff Samuels 3 for 31) we were on course at 111 for
5 (Giraffe in charge on 20 odd not out) when it rained. They won on faster
run rate.
back to the top
Cricket Week
Tuesday 11 July
OLCC v Kingsclere
Assorted reports have reached your scribe of the doings of our heroes in this
annual festival of joviality.
The Tuesday game was characterised by "a lot of talking" and a disappointing
OLCC turnout of eight players (although someone else turned out to help later
on). It took a Price-Carter partnership of 80 for the last wicket to register
a decent total and we set the villagers 182 to win (R Price 47*, Carter 20,
Wood 26. Pollard 23).
Their innings began well (both openers got 50) but was halted in its tracks
by four lbws, which prompted an exchange of repartee from the final recipient
of marching orders, who declared the umpire to be a founder member of the
see you next Tuesday club.
Our president, a paragon of moral virtue, politely remonstrated with the departing
individual, to the effect that we don't have that sort of language here, which
drew the terse response: "And you're one too."
The cordiality of these exchanges much perplexed our president, who was
concerned about what to do. "What happens if I meet him in the street
in Basingstoke?" he pleaded. "I shall be keeping my head down."
back to the top
Wednesday 12 July
OLCC v Bromley
On Wednesday we played Bromley and Nick Wood did a superb axe man job on their
fast bowler, whirling his bat in the air and nearly breaking his arm. The
player collapsed and was thought to be deceased, but subsequent investigation
revealed sufficient bruising to prevent further participation, but no permanent
damage. A well judged assault.
It didn't turn the game in our favour, however, as we fell short of their
199 for 7 dec, all out 145 (Gillmor 37, Shingles 34, Beer 33).
Thursday 13 July
OLCC v Safron CC
This hastily arranged fixture turned out to be a delight. It was against Safron
CC, an Indian touring side. Umpire John
engaged them in conversation immediately: "Saffron is the name of my
favourite Indian restaurant" he told them diplomatically.
We appointed Neil Dey as skipper for the occasion. "I shall be sticking
within two yards of him all day" says Phil the secretary. "I
am his minder."
The Safrons had discussions with our skipper about terms and conditions. Their
team, drawn from several states, might just be a tad too good for us. "Itıs
a 40 over game" the skipper explains, "friendly, but serious friendly."
The team is uncertain of the significance of this information, but we take
the field nonetheless.
After a some early wickets and three run outs, enter a young Tendulkar (name
of Paul) who cruises to a rapid century. Our reply falls a little short, but
the tourists are well pleased with the day and express a wish to return.
They present us with a pennant, which Neil explains will be carefully preserved
"in our trophy room." We in turn present their centurion with the
match ball. Safron 269-6 (40 overs) Paul 106*. OLCC 144 S Bhattacharya 5 -24.
back to the top
Friday 14 July
OLCC v Incogs
A priority fixture. Except for Ross Stewart who made some poor excuse about
a job interview, so we field one short as Incogs play steadily against Price
and Shackel. They settled in and went on to 260 for 5 dec, the best part of
the day being a stunning spell from Simon "granny" Best who claimed
two wickets - one with a high full toss that was hit to short fine leg by
an Incog who had a day to forget (his other achievements included keeping
wicket and missing a few, fielding and throwing in to maim your scribe with
a direct hit on the boot).
Our young strikers (Torry and Gillmor) vanished smartly and it was left to
the young squire and the old scribe to repair the damage, which we did with
a stand of nearly 100. John went on to a highly meritorious and richly deserved
maiden century, full of pulls and drives and some eccentric running, some
of which accounted for Richard who was interested in three when his partner
was not.
We achieved a respectable total (213) but recorded another defeat in the scribe's
captaincy record.
back to the top
Sunday 30 July
OLCC v Kingsclere
Reports reaching your scribe reveal some wondrous events in this encounter.
It is said that a Prince - none other than Prince Matambanadzo (brother of
a Zimbabwe paceman if you believe the rumours) - featured in the opposition.
Kingsclere is full of surprises. Anyway, this guy having done not much with
the bat and not bowled until near the end, comes on when it looks like OLCC
might win and proceeds to bowl like Curtly Ambrose in one of his cross moods,
and there is a stampede of OLCC batsmen seeking refuge at the other end.
At this point Jack Straw is required to enter the fray. "I have no wish
to get down that end at all" he says, and safely leaves Edward Carter
to complete the victory which has been set up by an admirable 47 from his
esteemed parent earlier in the innings.
Kingsclere 135 (Shingles 4 - 13 off seven overs). OLCC 138 - 8, G Carter 47,
E Carter 17*.
back to the top
Sunday 13 August
OLCC v Holyport
A very congenial environment for this new fixture. OLCC in the field - or
at least some of them. Two substitute fielders (President and Granny) making
up the numbers until Wacko-Jacko and GLC turned up.
Opening bat departs courtesy of swooping slip catch by GLC and another falls
to a Samuels yorker and a third to an excellent Bibby catch in the gully off
another Samuels long hop.
R. Price comes on: six, four, four by the round man from Holyport but gains
revenge by knocking his leg pole with a nip-back. "Pitched outside
off and hit leg" grumbles round man when he returns to pavilion.
The left hander launches one into the neighbouring gardens but then falls
to another Bibby catch in the slips.
"Judith looks so graceful, he could have been a ballerina" says
lady spectator. "Ornamental baroque" says Penny. John Berridge,
a newcomer to OLCC comes on with a hostile spell of left arm over, and persuades
their batsmen to bury one in Richard's abdomen.
Judith then joins the attack, and is swept to square leg where the GLC does
a fine dive but fails to stop the ball. 5.9 for the dive, bugger all for the
fielding. Judith delivers a subtle long hop which their man hits hard to Samuels
P and then
persuades the next man to play all round a straight one. High fives all round.
The final wicket falls at 171, thanks to a sensational direct hit run out
from long off by Tom Gillmor. Good stuff.
The OLCC innings begins just as steady rain starts to fall. Tom plays one
of his distinguished cameos: a catch to mid on (dropped) a nick past slip
for four. Bowled hooking a long hop. He retires to the fir trees in despair
and there are concerns about the balance of his mind. Heavy rain starts to
fall. Tom continues his patrol round the ground, oblivious to the precipitation.
The president offers a sage observation: "This rain will slow the grass
down." Well, you know what he means.
More rain. "What's the Duckworth Chalmers equation now?" asks Penny
brightly. Whatever it is, our skipper (Philip) is keen to do the right
thing and offers drinks to the opposition as the rain surges down.
Our president seizes the opportunity for another innings (as Wacko Jacko has
had to leave early). "This bloke fielded for two overs and now he wants
to bat" say the aggrieved Holyportians. "I assure you" says
David Bibby, "he is not a secret weapon."
We finish up doing the decent thing on our first visit to a new ground, and
bring proceedings to a reasonably swift halt and lose with good grace in the
hope that we might get invited back next year.
back to the top
The West Country Tour
Day 1
Most arrive at the pub in time for some food and drink. The TM had even been
to Martock and back already to time the drive to the hotel after the game.
Notable absentees from the pub were Jack and Judith (who arrived in time
for the game) and Shack who arrived 2 hrs late and just in time to pad up
for a cameo innings.
The batting was opened by the young doctor and young Bibby. The doctor played
a patient innings of two and a half hours for his 16, whilst there was a succession
of largely unsuccessful stroke makers at the other end. Very few broke the
20 barrier and Geoff Samuels top scored with an audacious 28.
Notable related highlights were the question posed by the young opening bowler
as to the Secretary's sexual orientation after a spot of umpiring in a sarong
and by Charlie Beer's attacking of any player in his fantasy league team who
failed to make an impression. We declared on 165 for 9 with Granny on 4 n.o.
(his highest score by some distance!).
A splendid opening spell from the old master Shack reduced the home side to
11 for 4 when the skipper took the foot off the pedal. This allowed the opposition
to plunder the remaining runs for the loss of one wicket and with 6 overs
remaining. OLCC 165 for 9. Sherborne 166-5.
A point of historical importance here was that for two balls we had Godson
and Godfather at the wicket together.
Jeremy Smithson arrived a day early and was shown to remember very little
(when compared to our president) about youth hostels in France in the 1950s.
We arrived back at the hotel in time for the landlord to defrost our dinners
and put them in the microwave. We enjoyed some jovialities and watched some
video highlights of the OL season thus far. Unfortunately the bar was closed
rather too promptly and we had to continue watching in Arthur's room. But
the prankster Chalmers locked us in and Arthur out, not very amused at the
thought of his sons being left alone in a room with the OLCC.
back to the top
Day Two
Our landlord had not laid the ghost of his infamous predecessor and took
it upon himself to knock on every door at 8 am informing them of the time
and to wish them a good morning. Some were stunned by this act, some thought
it an invasion of their privacy and begun to hurl abuse at the landlord.
Most persons were at breakfast in anticipation of the AGM that began at 09:08.
No sign of Jack and Judith so the Hon Sec goes to investigate their whereabouts.
Having firmly rapped on the door and announced himself and his intentions
the response of "F$%k off, minute that" burst through the door
so the Sec returned to the meeting. The meeting closed at 10:11, again
another feat for the stats.
We push off to Axminster and the Kingdom of Dick Richards. The start is delayed
due to rain, and that gives Jack and Judith time to arrive. Dick is a bit
short so he recruits our spares, namely the Granny, Tour manager and Geoff
Samuels and puts them at the end of his batting line up as it is decided that
he should bat first.
Today was also the first time in OL history that three Carters had appeared
for the OLCC in the same game.
Early on Shack finds a little wobble on a dead playing surface but Wacko who
is wide asleep after driving down from London waves an early edge past. The
batsmen then goes onto score 94 n.o.
Lunch is taken with the score at 105 for 0. Mickey would like a score line
like that, but unfortunately we were not batting. After lunch a little more
penetration is achieved and Dick declares on 205 for 4.
The Captain (AFC) looks to get out of the blocks quickly and sends in the
GLC and the Secretary. The turncoat Geoff Samuels bends one a little to much
for the GLC and this brings Judith to the wicket. A few wafts and he is quickly
into his stride licking the in form Geoff Samuels off of middle stump through
mid-wicket for four.
The partnership almost reaches statistical importance before Judith is fooled
by a straight one. Mr Torry comes to the crease but is undone by the turncoat
Samuels.
The pressure is mounting on the OL batting when Ed Carter comes to the crease.
Geoff tries to knock his head off with a beamer but Ed manages to middle it
back over his own head, the boundary, a very tall net and a row of trees into
a pile of rusty metal. The tour manager then retrieves the ball having overcome
a stream (in which he trod), a fence and a hedge.
The rain sets in and we retire for the rest of the day on 69/4.
Seeking alternative entertainment AFC tries the indoors bowls rink. His first
ball veers heavily right and risks interfering the game going on the other
side of the playing area. This prompts a lady of reasonable maturity to cross
the surface and give AFC a brief lesson on the finer arts of indoor bowls.
Knowledge gleaned AFC sends down a second "wood". The spectators
gallery collapse in laughter as this ball veers the other way and into the
gutter only half way to the pin.
The team return via various off-licences and garages to secure some drinking
stock in anticipation of an early closure of the hotel bar. Food is partaken,
and part-eaten before a few awards as the prelude to the quiz that stretches
the greyest of grey matters, The Brain of Somerset Quiz.
The quiz is notable for a couple of achievements, Shack scores more than 50%,
Mr Stein phones during the quiz to see how it (the quiz) is going and is amazed
by by the fact that it is won by Judith.
Example questions were:
"Who wears no underpants at work?"
"Who suffers from an
immobility problem?"
and the innovation of multiple choice questions
"What did Mr Stein use as his defence when in court facing a speeding
ban?"
Was it a) he is an essential part of the British economy?
b) he was late for a meeting? or
c) he was late for breakfast?
The hotel bar closes too early for our liking and so we all pile into AFC's
room again to watch the audio-visual highlights of the day's play. Some late
night drinking takes place.
back to the top
Day three
The Landlord's wake up call, although expressly not requested nonetheless
takes place and is meet with a volley of verbal
expletives. Breakfast is enjoyed by all but a few and golf at Long Sutton
seems the preferred choice of activity. AFC has taken responsibility of the
mini-beers as the Good Doctor is away at a conference in Winchester.
"Did you have a good round Arthur?"
"I managed to get round without too many fights and tears, that is what
I call a good round"
Ed C scored the best round in his party and Hon Sec and Granny share the honours
in the four ball that followed them.
Back at the ranch Shingo and Wacko are unimpressed by the standard of the
accommodation. "I don't think that it is the kind of place I can bring
the sandwiches" says Wacko and both he and the GLC "do a Stein."
The GLC is made to feel at home in a farmhouse while Wacko seeks more seductive
surrounds.
By the time the team meet at the pub in Compton Dundon the rain is already
falling and play looks increasingly unlikely. A pitch inspection at 2pm reveals
a lot of moisture and a final inspection set for 3pm. At 3pm the decision
is made to play a Mickey Mouse fixture of 20 overs on a drizzle moistened
mud bath. They bat first and seemed well equipped for the aquatic pursuit
of runs.
Their young opener notches up a sound 50 after Wacko waves past yet another
early edge. The GLC is introduced for a low level bombing run on a pitch that
is deteriorating under the incessant drizzle and scores two early strikes.
The Home Secretary produces career best figures of 2 for 16 as the home team
progress to 160/5 from their 20 overs. The fielding becomes sloppy as the
ball becomes wetter. Many balls succumb to the surrounding flora and Shack
impersonates the Grim Reaper as he seeks out the missing leather scythe in
hand. Wacko decides he doesn't need his glasses to see and hands them to the
umpire "I couldn't see anyway!" he says.
Tea and biscuits are taken between the innings and Michael Leach arrives as
do Mr and Mrs Tortoise.
Our reply begins in promising style as the Captain plays his trump cards by
sending two pinch hitters in to open. The balls fly into the ditches and AFC
(who is playing for the opposition) is required to retrieve them. The President
gets a bootful of water and an arm full of nettle stings for his pains. He
also chastises the junior Carters for wearing his clean MCC gear to play in
the rain.
Nick Torry is fooled by a much slower one, Gillmor holes out and Wacko who
still can't see drags a wide one from
Tom Carter onto his stumps. Ed Carter comes into bat as the surface turns
into more of a mud slide than a cricket wicket. A few lusty blows send his
esteemed father back into the ditch and nettle fields. The rain falls faster
and harder and once the pitching of the ball was creating splashes it was
decided to call it a day and an honourable draw.
Back in the sanctuary of the pavilion GLC treats the team to a Badger explosion
extraordinaire. We push start Wacko's leaking car and Michael Leach collects
his canine companion.
MJL "Whose dog is that?"
GWVC "Well it is not mine!"
MJL "I'll take it then."
Tonight we are braving the sub-continental cuisine afforded by Yeovil
but first we have a few awards to be presented. Mr Gillmor has pulled his
prizes out of the top drawer and even gone to the effort of wrapping them.
Notable were sketches of animals in various sporting positions done by his
father and signed "this might be worth something" says GWVC. The
mechanical hand was put to good use by Judith following a dismal fielding
performance at Axminster (Charlie Beer had hidden his sunglasses).
The hotly contested Fantasy League is won by Ted Carter's Touring Team ahead
of Judith's "Grouk".
Those assembled pile into four cars to hit the road to Yeovil, with the exception
of Wacko who has gone to collect his sandwiches from Taunton. The sandwiches
phone during the awards in some distress asking if we knew where Wacko was!
"He should have been there 30 minutes ago" replies GLC helpfully!
We head out of Martock and AFC takes the lead, he has been here so many times
before. AFC drives past the turn on the A303 for Yeovil and boards the road
heading West to Exeter and Plymouth. Obviously he was distracted by the fact
that young Ted was riding with Judith and Jack as guardians.
Jack and Judith decide they know better, which they did, and do not follow
AFC's detour. The rest of us follow to keep the group together. AFC does not
seem to have noticed his faux pas and carries heading west regardless.
The traffic slows enough to allow the Hon Sec to jump out of the car he was
travelling in and run up to the President's automobile. The President acknowledges
that he might have missed a turn but will continue until he can turn round..
At the end of the dual carriageway a roundabout provides opportunity for the
cars to reassemble and the ravenous OLs to enquire as to what the President
thinks he is up to.
The President points to where he thinks he is on the map and is informed
we are about 5 miles in the wrong direction! "It was all a bit of a
blur in the dark" he said later. AFC is demoted and TMs car takes the
lead in our quest for curry. We make it to Yeovil but still no sign of Jack,
Judith and Ed. We discover the "Rajpoot" and are about to enter
when Judith screams around the corner and the party is again one.
The restaurant is very nice and the slippery floors allow seated Mexican waves
to take place round a long table. Wacko and Mrs Wacko turn up in time for
a main course. They have had a few problems. Mrs Wacko was waiting in Taunton
but Wacko had broken down.
"The car is in a lay-by"
"What are you going to do about it?"
"Nothing. I don't give a shit, it's not mine!"
The meal is delightful and Nick Torry consumes the hottest variety whilst
frank Leboeuf sweats the most. Isn't Geoff having a quiet tour this year!
We suspect that bringing his sandwiches on tour contributed significantly
to subduing him.
back to the top
Day Four
No fixture so no hurry but the 8am wake-up call is repeated. All attend breakfast
apart from Jack and Judith, but that is a
no-brainer. Gradually bills are paid and the landlord tries to give Jack and
Judith some momentum. He meets a wall of stern, abusive resistance. Judith
makes his mark by wheel skidding out of the car park hurling abuse and soft
items at the landlord.
back to the top
Sunday 10 September
OLCC v Moreton
This was a day for re-writing the history books. It was a day when the bounds
of credulity were stretched almost to breaking point as the cream of Moreton
Cricket Club were swept away by the fearsome deliveries of..... Judith Chalmers.
Picture the scene, if you will, dear reader. A blissful September afternoon.
OLCC in their usual ragged fashion had drifted on to the ground at various
intervals from about 1.30 onwards the appointed hour), the last to arrive
being Jack and Judith having been trapped on the south circular or something.
You might have expected the Home Secretary to be able to fix up a police escort.
The Moreton innings proceeds in its usual fashion. Mike Stimpson helps himself
to 50 as we shell catches all over the shop and by mid afternoon they are
on 159 for 1. We had been warned by our absentee team manager (Richard) that
every team needs a bowler, and that we only had one, Geoff Samuels. In actual
fact we also had a guest (friend of the squire's,
Neil Smith, who went for 68 off 11 overs).
We turn to Judith for salvation. To universal astonishment (except his own)
his first frenzied appeal for an unlikely lbw is answered in the affirmative
and from then on there's no holding him. The prolific Greg Locke (their skipper)
is strangled caught behind and the catches at last start to stick and one
batsman after another falls to the wily flight of an increasingly exuberant
Judith. He finishes with six for 37 - the sixth best figures in OLCC
history - which has Arthur in a state of rare excitement.
Our skipper (the young Squire) has a cunning plan for our run chase. He will
send in the old men to bear the brunt of the opening attack and then the jolly
juniors (himself, Gillmor, Berridge and Torry) will come in and smite it everywhere.
But your scribe and the good doctor are not inclined to miss out on the opportunity
to bat on a good pitch on a nice day and proceed to give an object lesson
in opening partnership skills for the benefit of the younger members of the
team, reaching 100 in rapid time and setting up the platform for victory.
At which point the wheels came off. The middle order power house was swept
away and it was left to the president and
Jack Straw - who enjoyed himself hugely in compiling an admirable 33 not out
- to secure a respectable draw.
Offences and misdemeanours
Judith Chalmers and Jack Straw: arriving an hour and a half late, then taking
lots of wickets and making lots of runs
The Good doctor: smashing the ball straight at short third man and calling
your scribe for an improbable single. He was duly sent back, and received
a Mickey lecture at the end of the over along the lines of: "I believe
the convention is that when the ball is struck behind the wicket, it is the
non striker's call. Didn't they teach you anything at school?"
Commendation: Neil, our guest, allowing himself to be persuaded to play for
the OLCC, getting smashed all round the ground, and retaining his composure
and good humour when Judith reels in six wickets with liquorice allsorts.
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Tour de France 2000
September 16-17
Temporary scribe (Joker Julian) and partner took advantage of the tour
and arrived in Saumur on Thursday, M. Le President, Joker Allan, Shack and
Tom Gillmor arrived on Friday. The rest of the team appeared during the course
of Saturday, serious misdemeanour on part of one O. Ash, even though a resident
of La BF, took wrong motorway out of Paris and arrived LATE.
In spite of a bit of rain on Friday evening Saturday dawned warm and sunny.
Staying at the now traditional Hotel Cristal in downtown Saumur, we
had the now traditional coffee and croissant for breakfast, followed by the
now traditional tour of the Saturday market. Good opportunity to top up your
supplies of crotin de chevre, rillette and other gallic delights.
Slight consternation when we discover that Saumur have double booked and that
we are not the only visiting team in town, Roehampton CC are also here and
word is that we will be playing a triangular tournament! A first for OLCC.
As we have at least one member who has to leave on Sunday morning, we agree
to get to the ground early so that we can play in the first game. Compared
to 1998, the pitch is as hard as nails!
Start due at 1300, slight delay as need to wait for the Saumur CC President
who is playing and is on his way, rumoured to be VIP, turns out to be one
M. Jagger, so we get started just before 1400. Joker Fitter appointed captain
through seniority, we agree to do away with "the toss", as we will
be playing one full game and one half game today, here we need to bat first
in both so that O. Ash can do his stuff and depart the next day!
OLCC batting fragile as usual but the arrival of Le Capitan steadied
the ship with a few fairly typical blows and we eventually managed a healthy
score for 30 overs. Saumur had a similarly bumpy ride with star batsman Krishna
out early on to Shack, followed later by their skipper, Simon being given
out LBW by Krishna who was umpiring by then! Eventually it was the turn of
Le President to bat, suspected of using joker Fitterıs bat! Clearly not a
class player and he survived one LBW appeal from RNP, umpire advised that
it was a political decision! this was supported by MJ's head of security,
an Imran Khan look-alike, who was also playing.
MJ eventually dismissed by Shack on last ball of penultimate over, avoiding
the necessity of Le Capitan bowling the last over. On dismissal, one Gabriel
Jagger was heard to remark, "Oh good, now you can come and play!"
OL fielding under-par, caused largely by distraction of goings-on in the baseball
dugout, le Capitan was too busy directing operation to be able to report precisely
what was going on!
Due to shortage of time, there was no tea break and no gap between innings,
so having proved the victors against Saumur, OLCC promptly set out to build
a viable total against Roehampton, this proved to be a hazardous experience
for our President. The sun was getting quite low and was shining directly
down the wicket, Arthur, wearing dark glasses, was facing a slow bowler, to
the first ball he played no stroke and said "I can't see that."
He switched back to clear glasses, next ball was a slow full toss which
hit him smack on the bridge of his nose! Arthur collapsed but apart from being
singularly shaken, survived. He was whisked off to hospital but there were
no "complications." After this incident we finished the innings
using one end only.
Saturday evening was enlivened with a joint dinner with Saumur and Roehampton,
much merriment and vin, highlight was a profiterole competition to see who
could eat their dessert fastest with both hands behind their back! Not easy,
Le Capitan managed to come last, due to additional problems caused by long
grey beard!
Sunday dawned equally bright and sunny, apparently this is the first weekend
they have had with no rain this year, certainly makes up for '98! OLCC
take the field with Arthur umpiring in a helmet and two gradually developing
black eyes! Due to rather generous captaincy, Roehampton are able to overhaul
the OLCC total, so we end up with a Won 1 Lost 1 record for the weekend! One
interesting point for the records, As Roehampton had 13 players, we agreed
to play 12 a side, using one of their players. On the Sunday, due to the departure
of young Ash, we fielded a Frenchman to make sure we had the requisite numbers.
Is this the first Frenchman to turn out for the OLs? (No, we had one at
Warborough and there was Bruno at Compton Dundon. Ed.)
OLCC the provided umpires for the Saumur-Roehampton game, this was won by
Saumur so that all three teams went home happy having each won one game!
The weekend was finished off by certain members, with the obligatory visit
to Krishna's winery, Le Domaine de Chaintre.
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FIN
